Ask for it

The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.  -Sonya Friedman

I've had several interesting conversations in recent weeks regarding the idea of relationships.  Relationships, at some point, inevitably lead to hurt.  Someone says or does something, intentionally or not, and causes pain for the other. In entering any relationship with anyone--adult, child, friend, lover, old, young, man, woman--it will involve hurt.  Like football players accept the reality that they will endure injuries, all of us who enter relationships accept the reality that we will get--and cause--hurt.

A friend of mine told me several weeks ago that in terms of relationship, ask for it and that's what we get.  For example, if we ask--whether actively or passively--for others to take advantage of us, it will happen.  If we ask for others to treat us well, it will happen.

This was a peculiar thought for me to wrap my head around, but I began to think about it and put on my counseling glasses to examine it.  We have all heard the story of the girl who gets beat up by her boyfriend/husband and won't leave him.  Everybody who knows the couple cannot believe she would put up with this---but in referencing the advice I recently received--she is passively asking for it.  She is saying "the way I am being treated is acceptable to me so I will continue to allow it."  Similarly, we have all known a friend who we think has it "all together."  Everybody treats him/her well and we all wish we could be as strong/confident as him/her.  It is no wonder that this individual should be so strong and that others want to be like this person; Mr./Ms. Confidence asks for people around him/her to treat him/her well, and as a result, it happens.

The responsibility then comes down to each of us as an individual--how do we ask others to treat us?  How do we treat ourselves?  The girl who is getting beat up by her boyfriend beats her own self up (internally) enough to believe that physical abuse is okay.  The Confidence  Kings are good to themselves, which in turn forces others to treat them well.

Do you treat yourself well?  Would you look at your child/spouse/partner/best friend and say the same things to them as you do to yourself?  How do others treat you--and how closely is this correlated to how you treat yourself?

Enjoy your Friday, my friends.  8 days until the Greensboro Autism Walk/Run, for those who are still interested!!