Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever ever, ever feel less than perfect. Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing, you're perfect to me. -Pink
Sometimes I find myself speechless. Sometimes there are no words to describe something so intense. Sometimes the best way to convey a thought, idea, or feeling is through a picture, or a painting, or a song. This weekend, for myself, is one of those weekends. Sure, I can tell anybody about the sheer terror and excitement I felt while riding on a jet ski for the first time in my life. I can describe the beautiful lake house I was able to stay in for the weekend. I can also tell you about the friends I spent the weekend with. Or attempt to discover the shade of red that adequately describes the sunburn I got. But to do justice in describing the emotions I felt this weekend, words will only fail.
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| Crizz & La out for La's 1st Jet Ski experience! |
When I moved to North Carolina 2 years ago, I made the decision out of pure logic and absolutely no emotion. I knew that the life I had in Iowa was not one I could sustain, and if I made the decision about “staying or going” out of emotion, I would still be there today. The emotion of fear would’ve continued to rule my life. I was unhappy in nearly every aspect of my life, except that I had the best friends in the whole wide world. My job in Iowa was absolutely draining and working for “the man” there meant working nearly 80 hours a week, never sleeping, and getting paid in peanuts. My financial situation was a mess. Emotionally, I was a mess. I knew what I wanted, and I knew I wasn’t going to find it there. The day I moved to NC, I packed up the car and hit the road—crying nearly the entire drive down (including after I got a phone call from a gas station in Beckley, WV that informed me that I’d left my wallet there and I had to turn back around and lose 1.5 hours of my drive time). I vowed to myself that no matter how much I hated life in NC, I would work to make the best of it and would NOT leave for 2 years.
This weekend, I can only sit back and smile at how much these 2 years have changed me—or rather how I have changed me. I never imagined that while on a vacation with friends, I would be the one leading the pack in doing some healthy workouts (push ups, crunches, and even out for hill sprints—and we killed them!). I had spent a few days earlier this week stressed and frustrated about some situations, but sitting around the table with my girls, I realized that no matter what stressors come my way, I STILL have the best friends in the whole wide world—I have just expanded my circle of friends, which allows me to feel even more grounded and willing to take on the world.
And while all of my relatives are together on a vacation in MN this weekend and seeing the new baby cousin, I wish I were there, while simultaneously recognizing that there is no place better for me to be than right here—
- with friends who can stay up late talking and crying about life,
- with friends who can rock Outkast at the top of our lungs after the most interesting grocery store experience of my life,
- with friends who dry their toenails in lake water,
- with friends who expose me to my first guacamole sampling (I LOVE it, by the way!),
- with friends who confidently teach me the difference between pureed and chunked,
- with friends who make me their first phone call after flying a plane for the first time,
- with friends who ran my first 5k with me so I would be less scared,
- with friends who run with me any day to make running more exciting,
- with friends who don’t know the difference between a horse and a cow,
- with friends who see the beauty in an empty Girl. Scout. Cookie. Box,
- with friends who teach me about the ins and outs of sushi,
- with friends who have known me for for days or for a life time,
- and with friends who live upstairs or a thousand miles away and have never felt so close to me in my heart.
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| Hill, Crizz, La, Ash, Urrrrika, & Holl |
The only word I can find to describe all of that would be euphoria.
Please take a few minutes to yourself today and think about the many good things you have going on in your life, and tell us about them!
2 comments:
I am so happy you are able to experience things, just because. I have found that is the way things should be. I am going to start my journey as well. I kinda feel comforted that I have someone in my corner that is a bit more "seasoned"! You are an amazing inspiration! So just how detailed does this list have to be? I have pictured the list in my head, but that is as far as I have gotten! Miss you like crazy!
Jen--you have made some big decisions for yourself to allow yourself to grow & become even stronger than you already were (is it possible?!). I think the more details, the better--that way you can always refer back to it and remember EXACTLY what it was. And a list in the head is a good start--I do suggest posting the list somewhere for you to use it as a reminder in the future. Good luck, my friend!
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