9/11

As a country, I think we've become more focused on what is important and on the challenges we face. Focused on our national identity. And focused on the world beyond our borders -- after years of looking ever-inward, Americans are once again looking outward, in a way I haven't seen since the height of the Cold War. While no one would ever say that September 11 was in any way a good thing, these developments may ultimately prove to be healthy for a democratic nation such as ours, one that wields such great influence and power on the world stage but one that is, as we have learned in such a hard way, still vulnerable to those who hate us. - Dan Rather

As everyone that I have come across has spent time today remembering the single greatest American tragedy in my lifetime, I figure today's blog should be nothing less.

I, too, recall where I was when I found out what happened.  Asleep in my bed, Res 107 at Wartburg College.  The phone rang and it was my roommate's Mother.  I was so annoyed because on my Tuesday/Thursday classes, I didn't have to be up until about 10:55 in order to make it to my 11:00 class on time.  Instead, the phone was ringing far too early.  Brooke's Mom told us to turn on the television to the Today show.  I was certain that it was going to be some stupid celebrity or maybe a new fashion for the fall--and that my sleep was being disrupted for this.  Instead, I heard Brooke gasp and say "Oh my God, Laura, what is going on."  I rolled over and looked at the TV.  I was in shock. 

We ran to the living room where one of the roommates had already turned on the TV--and the others of us gathered--8 of us in all--sitting on the black futon and the green/beige checkered sofas, watching it the building burn as a plane had flown into it.  Within minutes, we saw the second one hit.  We were all speechless.

I used to hold a group in the mornings before school on 9/11 when I lived in Iowa.  I played a whole CD of 9/11 songs and let the kids journal the entire time.  This is the one that has been the most--I don't even know what word to use--impressing upon me? 

While visiting a friend's church today, the Pastor asked us to imagine what it would be like to have been running into the twin towers when they were on fire--the city under attack--and you run in never knowing if you were to come out.  And the bravery of the individuals on Flight 93, with one man's last recorded words as "You guys ready?  Let's roll." 

Courage is not the absence of fear, but acting in the presence of fear. 

Despite the ugliness, loss and destruction of that day, a new patriotism arose out of America and brought a nation divided back together. This is what should be remembered of 9/11--that in the darkness, goodness still prevailed.

This is a commercial I watched this morning that had me in tears--not just because it was so emotional, but it was all about recognizing those who serve others every day, and that the city and the people are rebuilding.

Ask for it

The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others.  -Sonya Friedman

I've had several interesting conversations in recent weeks regarding the idea of relationships.  Relationships, at some point, inevitably lead to hurt.  Someone says or does something, intentionally or not, and causes pain for the other. In entering any relationship with anyone--adult, child, friend, lover, old, young, man, woman--it will involve hurt.  Like football players accept the reality that they will endure injuries, all of us who enter relationships accept the reality that we will get--and cause--hurt.

A friend of mine told me several weeks ago that in terms of relationship, ask for it and that's what we get.  For example, if we ask--whether actively or passively--for others to take advantage of us, it will happen.  If we ask for others to treat us well, it will happen.

This was a peculiar thought for me to wrap my head around, but I began to think about it and put on my counseling glasses to examine it.  We have all heard the story of the girl who gets beat up by her boyfriend/husband and won't leave him.  Everybody who knows the couple cannot believe she would put up with this---but in referencing the advice I recently received--she is passively asking for it.  She is saying "the way I am being treated is acceptable to me so I will continue to allow it."  Similarly, we have all known a friend who we think has it "all together."  Everybody treats him/her well and we all wish we could be as strong/confident as him/her.  It is no wonder that this individual should be so strong and that others want to be like this person; Mr./Ms. Confidence asks for people around him/her to treat him/her well, and as a result, it happens.

The responsibility then comes down to each of us as an individual--how do we ask others to treat us?  How do we treat ourselves?  The girl who is getting beat up by her boyfriend beats her own self up (internally) enough to believe that physical abuse is okay.  The Confidence  Kings are good to themselves, which in turn forces others to treat them well.

Do you treat yourself well?  Would you look at your child/spouse/partner/best friend and say the same things to them as you do to yourself?  How do others treat you--and how closely is this correlated to how you treat yourself?

Enjoy your Friday, my friends.  8 days until the Greensboro Autism Walk/Run, for those who are still interested!!

Where is Sister Maria Von Trapp when I need her?

The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions. -Ellen Glasgow

Let's play a little game I called Catholicism.  You be the priest and I will be the one in the confessional booth.  You ready?  Bloggers, forgive me for I have sinned.  I have spent a lot of energy as of late feeling bad for myself and being careless in the mental activities I have otherwise committed myself to for the past 18 months. 

I don't know the Hail Mary (can I phone a friend?) and I don't think doing 3 Our Fathers is going to fix this situation.  But I do think that in my minimal knowledge of 12-step programs that admitting you have a problem is the first step, right? 

While this may all sound a little sarcastic and I don't intend to offend any Catholics or recovering addicts, I will point out the seriousness in all this:  We all have found ourselves in situations in which we are throwing a pity party (I have yet to have anyone else show up for these parties?) and spend our days surviving as a victim, rather than thriving as an active participant and choosing to direct the sails in the winds and waves that may come. 

As someone who has been here before--I will offer a few pointers to assist in working to make sure that your rut doesn't become your grave:
-Be rational--is the whole world REALLY against you? 
-Be honest with yourself--whose fault is this situation really?  And assuming it is yours, stop feeling bad for yourself and MOVE ALONG.
-Be positive--now that you recognize the dysfunction that is occurring, what positives can you recognize in yourself, despite this going on?
-Be forward thinking--so you screwed up, so you're not doing well with whatever--what's the next step?

So--you may all now join me in the conclusion of this pity party as I work to embrace the gray within me today--inherently flawed and intrinsically motivated to continue to do and be my best. 

Are you serious?!

Do not take life too seriously.  You will never get out of it alive. -Elbert Hubbard

While at my niece's softball tryouts tonight, I engaged in some heavy activity--people watching.  While I may or may not have spent over 3 hours working out today, people watching actually wore me out more than Zumba, weights, running or pilates.  The reason for this was simple:  I was enjoying each of the activities I was doing....all of them set to music, all them with a smiley instructor (even at 5:15 AM weights!! sickening!!), and all of them with others in the class who were there enjoying themselves. 

When Stephanie and I got out of the car, the first thing I heard was a father who was yelling at his 12 year old daughter for not doing something correctly at the softball tryouts.  The girl was in tears and the father was yelling loudly enough for others to hear.  I wanted to walk up to the guy and punch him in the face--not that I'm a violent person--but really?  The kid is twelve and is playing softball--what right does he have to take the fun out of something she enjoys??  Obviously I did not resort to jacking the dude up--but decided instead to make it a blog subject for the night.

A sign outside of a restaurant in VA.
Definitely NOT taken seriously.

When is the last time that  you allowed yourself to really just ENJOY an activity that you love, versus going through the motions?  When have you taken things too seriously and not allowed yourself just to have fun?  I'm pretty sure that when I'm on my death bed, I will not look back and ask myself why I had too much fun and didn't take life seriously enough.

One of my favorite things that the instructors at the gym remind us of during class is to smile.  It is easy to get caught up in the mechanics of the class, or to start to get mad because of a dance move we can't get, or a yoga pose that we can't hold, or a weight we can't press.  In the big scheme of things, are any of these situations ones that are impacting the quality of life that I'm experiencing?  Probably not....so hearing "SMILE--you can grit your teeth through this" is a good reminder about just having fun.

What is something you did recently to step back and have fun, rather than taking things too seriously?  What do you do that allows you to smile and remember that the true purpose of life is living?

Refreshed & refocused

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.--Dr. Suess

Welcome back, everyone!! I hope that the long weekend provided some extra time for everyone to rest, play, and prepare for the shortened week ahead! I am certainly hoping that somebody important pushes a bill in which we implement a permanent 3-day-weekend calendar. Is it too much to ask, really?

I also appreciated having a few days to rest my mind and have a small break from the blog. I enjoy keeping up with everybody and updating on here in hopes that at least one person reads it and is inspired to do something new. It is important for everyone, though, to take breaks so we can be refreshed.

Over the weekend, I found myself in a lot of interesting discussions with people that inspired today's topic: being true to one's self. In working with adolescents, I find myself reminded daily of the pain of youth--no true identity and a willingness to do anything to gain acceptance. While there are many benefits to being young, I would not take a million dollars to redo these years of my life. I appreciate that through those years, I was able to find myself, but I don't want to go through this conquest again.

While I may not be faced with the same challenges I faced back then (which table to sit at during lunch—defining the social group with which I would be associated; to be a bully, be bullied, or stand up for what’s right; to tight roll my jeans or not to right roll my jeans), even as an adult, we are faced daily with opportunities to stand for something, fall for anything, and define our sense of self by either option taken. At the end of the day, I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not, and I hope others can find the strength to say the same. And I am eternally grateful for my friends who keep me grounded, so when I lose sight of who I am, they help guide me back to my path.

To highlight this concept, I will review various historical figures who have been true to themselves:

-Martin Luther King: One of the best known leaders of American history, Dr. King risked his safety daily and spent his life inspiring and motivating others to put their fear aside for the greater good—to end the oppression, violence, and inequality the black people of the USA were experiencing. 

-Galileo: Called a heretic by the Catholic church, he spoke what he believed to be the truth (that the Earth was not the center of the universe). He had the opportunity to recant to please the Pope, but maintained his perspective and even attempted to explain that his perspective did not contradict the Bible; he was instead found guilty of “vehemently suspect of heresy” and was sentenced to house arrest for the remainder of his life.

-Jesus Christ: He clearly gave his life for what he believed in, and spent his existence on earth spending time with those whom others cast out, hated, and shunned. Despite the fact that he was not popular and his acts were not understood, he did what he knew to be right and true to himself—to love all. 

-Rosa Parks: She didn’t stand up for what she believed in, she sat down for it. Refusing to give up her seat on the bus, she began the bus boycott that played a significant role in the Civil Rights movement. Also, the A&T four (from right here in Greensboro) that did the same—refusing to give up their seats at the Woolworth’s, then bringing light to the sit-ins that had already begun but then caught like wildfire in the South.

-Oskar Schindler: By employing Jews during the Holocaust, he saved over 1100 Jewish from execution. While this was a smart business move and he was able to financially profit, he did so to stand up for what he knew was true within him.

This list could go on and on. As I continue to work to make sense of the various challenges that I encounter in my continued journey to be myself and avoid a world of black & white, I find myself with the following thoughts:

There are things about ourselves that we can change—and if they are something we are inclined to change, we will.

There are things about ourselves that we cannot change—so those things, we will work to accept and celebrate because they make us who we are.

We can change nobody else in the world but ourselves, so rather than wishing they would change to accommodate my needs, accept and celebrate who they are, and understand from where they are coming. Through understanding, conflict can cease and relationships can begin. This is the gray—finding the common ground when black & white is the illusion imposed.

Being ourselves and being honest with ourselves about who we are and what we need is not an act of selfishness, but instead an act of necessity—for if we are not ourselves in the truest form, we are nobody.

Enjoy your week, my friends!

Rest up

Sometimes the most urgent thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest.  -Ashleigh Brilliant

A wise woman told me yesterday that taking a rest is good for the soul and good for the sole--as I have to be rested and ready for a 20 mile run tomorrow.  In taking her advice, I share only that and will plan to take the weekend off from posting. 

For those who are interested, I have committed to myself to keep this blog through the marathon, but I don't believe I will keep it after that.  I have asked for weeks for Saturday Submissions and haven't received them, and think I may need to channel my efforts into motivating others in a different direction.  So as of right now, October 17 will be my last post.  I may reconsider.  I will continue to explore this idea in this rest I am taking for the next few days.

I hope everybody enjoys a safe weekend.  And that you get some rest for your soul and soles!

You are beautiful my sweet, sweet song

The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or touched; they are felt by the human heart. -Helen Keller

This has long been one of my favorite quotes and I demand that it be put on my  headstone when I kick the bucket in about 70 more years.  It is a reminder that there are no words or photos that can capture the emotion that we feel inside when we experience beauty.  I can make a list of the beautiful things that I see every day--a sunrise when I get done with a 6:15 AM yoga class...the smile of a friend at that Yoga class...the kind words in a text from a Motherly friend...the greetings from strangers when I'm out running...the hug from my long-standing work husband/teammate...a friendly voicemail from my friends from the Midwest...the goofy little chuckle of my nephew...the proud face of my niece when she gets 100% on her spelling test...an invitation from a friend to get together for ladies night...a reminder from the boss about the good work I'm doing...the excitement I feel when I finish a book...song lyrics that capture my thoughts completely...the goofy face my gangsta Zumba instructor makes and the laughter that ensues from her daughter and myself...a sweet voicemail from my Gramma who just calls to make sure I'm alive after a hurricane and an earthquake in a single week...an email from Europe while my coach is out of the country...taste of fresh-made Guacamole or the silence in between the noises of the day..the smile of the baby sitting next to me at Starbucks...a hug from a friend..the sunset when I go on a walk in the evening...the thank you from a client...

Make your beauty list--and realize that while you may not be able to see or touch the beauty you're feeling within, you can capture that feeling and remind yourself of it throughout the day.  Remember that you, too, are the beauty to so many others--and to me!